Textual Relations with a T-Shirt

Let's keep things in context...

I'm merely trying to help.

(Image from Engrish.com)

Yesterday's blog entry about a woman's t-shirt has occasioned a number of insinuations -- with a bit too much accent on that second syllable:

in·SIN·u·a·tion

Please note that the "sin" here deserves only minor stress, the major emphasis being elsewhere, way elsewhere:

in·sin·u·A·tion

Now as to my other-than-prurient interests in a certain t-shirt, allow me explain myself clearly -- and I will draw upon some of the discussion in yesterday's comments to make my point.

In staring at the back side of that woman's t-shirt, I was -- as I later discovered upon learning the meaning of "allantion" -- merely trying to educate myself about skin care.

Close readers will have noted that my eyes were directed solely to the text inscribed upon the t-shirt, not to the woman beneath that skirt. I mean shirt. Anyway, as I explained in the comments, although postmodernists would have it that all the world's a text -- a convenient philosophy for anyone who might wish to imply that my textual interests extended beyond the text on the shirt to the text beneath the text -- I insist that I was merely looking at the body of text on the shirt. That the shirt was clothing a woman was immaterial, mere pretext.

But I want to say one thing to my readers. I want you to listen to me. I'm going to say this again. I did not have textual relations with that woman.

I admit that I did have textual relations with that woman's shirt, so I should perhaps remind readers of precisely what the text was:

In your life and work, you will meet many kinds of people. Some will be hardworking. Others will be less so. Some will be outgoing. Others will be shy. Some will be kind. Others will be unkind. Some will be your friends. Some will not (etc.) . . . . They all deserve your allantion.

Such was my focus, my attention, and even as I passed the woman bearing this text, I didn't so much as glance at her face, so intent was I upon retaining the puzzling wisdom that I'd just read concerning the fact of everybody needing my allantion.

Not that a glance would have made any difference anyway, for I'm just a little bit too married for any other woman...

They all deserve my allantion?

All the Skinny on Skin

(Image from Wikipedia)

As I was walking up the street toward campus from Bus 273's Kyung Hee University stop yesterday, I happened to notice that a woman just ahead of me and also heading for the campus was wearing one of those t-shirts with a long message on the back:

In your life and work, you will meet many kinds of people. Some will be hardworking. Others will be less so. Some will be outgoing. Others will be shy. Some will be kind. Others will be unkind. Some will be your friends. Some will not...

And so on in that vein of modernist binary oppositions. Kind of obvious, mundane, quotidian. And lengthy. Clearly, I thought, the guy who made that t-shirt was an unfortunate nexus of too much time and too little imagination. Until I read his conclusion:

They all deserve your allantion.

What the...? I thought. My allantion? What's that? Surely 'attention' was intended.

But this was strange. Living in East Asia, I often see what we native speakers jokingly call 'Engrish'. I still laugh about the attractive girl wearing the t-shirt with this message on its back side:

"Excreting."

That one was also strange, yet the word was familiar enough. But "allantion"? Was there some peculiar East Asian confusion of ells for tees that I had totally missed in my long years living here? That's possible. The tip of the tongue is placed in approximately the same place for the "L" and "T" sounds, and could be confused, I suppose, but I've never previously encountered this linguistic confusion.

Or was this some obscure dermatological message, for as I later discovered, "allantion" is a genuine word:

This is a product which is extracted from the roots and leaves of the comfrey plat (sic: plant). This has been used for years to speed up healing. The soothing properties of this skin treatment along with the ability to renew healthy cells makes (sic: make) this product ideal for your anti-aging skin regimen. Allantion is traditionally used to heal bruises, heal wounds, and reduce inflammation, (and) this particular product has recently become well known for its ability to treat aging and damaged skin.

Allation (sic: Allantion) is very good for soothing irritated skin. It also stimulates cell regeneration and moisturizes the driest skin. Because of these factors, Allantoin (sic: allantion) is an active ingredient which is found in many skin care products and anti-aging treatments. It is found is cleansers, toners, sun screens, and speciality skin care treatments.

If this was meant, then I suppose the message intended by the t-shirt designer was that everybody I meet needs good skin care, and that's probably true, but why does everybody deserve my allantion? And why do they deserve it? I neither have any allantion that I'm aware of nor understand why I'm placed under a moral obligation to supply all others with any allantion that I might happen to have.

Well, to hell with that! Socialism has already been tried and found wanting! Any allantion that I come into possession of will be my own allantion! What is it about the concept of ownership that you don't understand, Mr. T-Shirt Maker?

Stupid fricking t-shirt maker, trying to guilt-trip me into supplying the whole world with endless quantities of my own precious allantion...