Wednesday, April 03, 2013

Uncle Cran's Farm and Barn Report: A Sporadic Quarterly

Uncle Cran

I often make fun of Uncle Cran, but he's actually a rather amazing fellow -- as he'll tell you himself:
It has been a busy three weeks down on the farm. Our cows have produced nine calves since January, and this week my neighbor and I changed the bulls into steers and sprayed the herd for lice and flies. Actually he and his hired hand did the work, I just tolled the animals into the barn lot, and they did the rest.

A neighbor lady wanted her old barn torn down, so I offered to bring my scaffolds and help the crew. This barn is in Bakersfield, just across the street from the bank, and eight feet from her trailor house. It was about ready to fall down, and a man who is a pastor of a cowboy church wanted the lumber to use on his church for the front, and also a platform on the inside. He wants it rustic. He sent up a two man crew and some boys from Little Rock, and a lady to cook.

I helped tear it down. It was leaning toward the lady's trailor to the north, and also toward the east. If it fell down it would damage her trailor, and also take down the power line that feeds her home and most of Bakersfield. We used my three "come along" winches, four chains, one wide nylon strap, and their three ropes to anchor the building on the west and south side while we started taking the barn apart. It was about 18 feet from the ground to the peak, with a galvanized metal roof. Most of the 3 inch perlins that the roof was attached with were rotten, so it was a dangerous ordeal getting it down. We worked three days getting the top off, and just started on the side sheds on the west and south, when the lady who came to cook for the crew got a phone call that her father died, so they all left. I worked another four days by myself completing the job.

Just as I was finishing getting the roofing off the sheds, I heard two guys across the street at the back door of the bank talking. One said, "Just look at that old f*rt. He gets around like a young man". I knew they weren't talking about me, as I'm only 73. I decided [they] were looking up the hill just behind where I was working, and [I] saw a man doing some work up there, and [realized] that I had misunderstood the man [at the bank]. He actually said, "Just look at that old Art. He gets around like a young man." I don't know this Art, or what he was doing, but he sure impressed those guys.

The last two days, I pulled the walls down. I left it for the crew to finish, as I have a lot to do at home before Gay and I leave Thursday to go visit James, Julee and boys at Tampa, Florida. We are just about finished with the basement kitchenette. I just have to hang and finish the drywall and put the trim on to have it ready. I was looking, and there is just enough room next to the kitchenette to build a 3' X 4' X 5' room for my man cave. That's all I need, anyway.

Other that that, it's been kind of quiet around here.
See? Pretty amazing for an 'Old Art.' Good writing, too, for a hillbilly. If he can just learn to spell "purlin" . . . As for the photo, I realize everyone's seen it already, but Uncle Cran didn't send a picture of the barn, and since he mentioned his man-cave, I took the liberty of posting this old photo of him in 'Artful' action . . .

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6 Comments:

At 9:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Apologies Cran for not getting the editing for your whopper [story] done before Jeff posted it. I did try of course. Oh by the way - there seems to be a problem with your checks.

Anyways, I hope this makes it some clearer on your story:
________________________________

It has been a busy three weeks down on the farm. Our cows have produced nine calves since January, and this week my neighbor [while Cran watched – see next sentence] changed the bulls into steers and sprayed the herd for lice and flies. Actually he and his hired hand did the work, I just tolled [opened the gate so the animals could walk into] the barn lot, and they did the rest.

A neighbor lady wanted her old barn torn down, so “I offered” to bring my scaffolds and “help” the crew. … It was about ready to fall down, and a man sent up a two man crew and some boys from Little Rock, and a lady to cook.

I helped tear [the barn about to fall on its own] down. It was leaning north, and also east. If it fell down it would damage her trailer, and also take down the power line that feeds her home and most of Bakersfield. (Apparently Cran’s neighborhood sustains much like the Armed Force’s MREs – that is; a diet of electrons.) We used my three "come alongs", four chains, one wide nylon strap, and their three ropes to anchor the building west and south while we started taking the barn apart. It was about 18 feet from the ground to the peak, with a galvanized metal roof. Most of the 3 inch perlins that the roof was attached with were rotten, so it was a dangerous ordeal getting it down. We worked three days getting the top off, and just started on the side sheds on the west and south, when the lady who came to cook [got a phone call], so they all left. I worked another four days by myself completing the job.
(Here I find myself wondering – why, if the barn was gonna be falling on its own anyway, 1. Start with the rotten top & 2. Instead, secure – remember that Navy word “secure” Cran? – whichever of the north or east points overhung the “feeder” then chainsaw the main supports allowing God’s gravity to … ? --- And how exactly, did you Cran, “work by [your] myself” – with a leaf rake?!!!)

Just as I was finishing getting [with the wind blowing] the roofing off the sheds, I heard two guys across the street at the back door of the bank talking. One said, "Just look at that old f*rt. He gets around like a young man". I knew they weren't talking about me, as I'm only 73. I decided [they] were looking up the hill just behind where I was working [making motions with the leaf rake], and saw a man doing some work up there, and [realized] that I had misunderstood the man [at the bank]. He actually said, "Just look at that old Art. He gets around like a young man." I don't know this Art, or what he was doing, but he sure impressed those guys.

The last two days, I pulled [allowed] the walls [to fall] down [like the walls were gonna do anyway]. [Then] I left it for the crew to finish, as I have a lot to do at home before Gay and I leave Thursday to go visit James, Julee and boys at Tampa, Florida. We are just about finished with the basement kitchenette. I just have to [supervise Gay when she lifts the drywall and put[s] the trim on [it] to have it ready. I was looking, and there is just enough room next to the kitchenette to build a 3' X 4' X 5' room for my man cave. That's all I need, anyway.

Other that that, it's been kind of quiet around here.
________________________

I've vehemently insisted your checks are good - perhaps before Gay drives you to Florida you'd call the bank?

JK

 
At 4:41 PM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

JK, I'll leave this to Uncle Cran's responding skills . . .

Jeffery Hodges

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At 8:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

JK: It's too bad I didn't wait for your editing skills before posting my Art-ful story.
However, since you have never revealed your true identity, residence, nationality, email address, or any way to contact you, it is rather difficult.
But thanks, anyway. And if my check bounces, as sometimes happens, (assuming I knew where to sent it), I will simply write another.


Cran

 
At 8:43 PM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Send all checks to me, Uncle Cran, and I'll see that JK gets them . . .

Jeffery Hodges

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At 10:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks Cran for your eventful story! I remember the less known Bakersville, i.e. MO versus CA, very well having travelled through it many times over the years. I do not recall any famous musicians from there, but I did go to a "hootin-nannie" in the town once with my then wife and in-laws. I envy your "man cave" aspirations, although it might get a mite crowded during card games or watching the Super Bowl... :-)

Jay

 
At 8:38 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Jay, I was waiting for Uncle Cran to respond, but since he hasn't checked back in, I'll just say thanks for him.

Jeffery Hodges

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