Fan Death Debate!
The X-Files: "Fan Death Episode"
"God's mill grinds slow, but sure."
Outlandish Proverbs (1640)
(Image from Wikipedia)
Finally, my rearguard defense of the truth about fan death is gaining traction. With more support, we 'Chosun Few' outlanders who buck the expat tide and warn against the dangers posed by electric fans might become part of a Korean Wave of enormous candlewatt power radiating out to counter the darkness of ignorance!
Forget the futile feeble flickering candle-whatnot generated by Korean protests over 'beef death' -- an issue totally unsupported by a single shred of scientific evidence anyway -- and focus on our real beef with modernity: electric fans!
What, you ask, has lit the light of such expansive optimism in my otherwise dark little heart?
None other than an uplifting message of support expressed in comment number 44 posted only hours ago to my very first blog entry on the danger posed by electric fans: "Fan Death is Real!"
Hello all, I will very soon be using "fan death" as a debate topic for an high achieving high school students in a prestigious high schools in Korea. This blog site is very helpful and I am looking for other evidences for the pros side of the issue. If anyone can let me know of any kind of proof that would be helpful such as doctors, ooroners reports. Studies in physics that can help confirm this etc .. I would greatly appreciate it.This is too good to be true! A fan-death debate among students in 'prestigious' high schools here in my adopted land of Korea! Hooray! I'm so happy!
An email address was even provided for the benefit of those who wish to help provide 'proof' of fan death. Of course, I am anxious to help. I can't provide any "ooroners reports," of course, but I can perhaps assist this researcher by linking to my various blog entries on this crucial, pressing issue:
Fan Death is Real!As anyone can plainly see, I have dedicated manifold posts to this hugely important issue. For any readers still mired in ignorance despite my repeated warnings, let me explain. The fatal result known as "fan death" refers not to the final malfunctioning shutdown of a fan but to the untimely demise of a human being that occurs when an electric fan is carelessly left running overnight in a closed room while the poor unfortunate soul is sleeping there. This "fan death" results from extreme overcooling or supersonic vortices or radical oxygen depletion or quantum weirdness or the forking universes hypothesized by David Kellogg Lewis or whatever. Nobody really knows why. Apparently, it just happens to happen.
Fan Death Redux
Another fan-death disbeliever!
Doc Rock's diagnosis: "You've been smokin' way too many fans"
Nevertheless, fan death is real!
President-Elect Lee Myung-bak: Policy Suggestions from Gypsy Scholar
Expat Living: "Fan Dumb"
But I won't give up seeking for hidden "X-Files" with the answer to precisely how electric fans kill unwitting sleepers because "I want to believe" that "the truth is out there," and I'll "trust no one" who rejects fan-death facts.
Meanwhile for those whose faith in the reality of fan death is wavering under the beckoning cool breeze promised by those rapidly gyrating blades, just remember this bit of Korean wisdom:
이열치열 (ee-yuhl chee-yuhl)In English, that means, "Beat Heat Through Heat."
Therefore: the next time that you feel tempted to switch on that electric fan to cool off during one of those hot, sultry, July nights when sweat oozes from every pore in your entire, suffering body, resist! Beat heat through heat! Just fire up the furnace, full blast, and survive that hot, humid, summer night!
posted by Horace Jeffery Hodges @ 5:05 AM
19 comments
19 Comments:
434. Who letts his wife goe to every feast, and his horse
drinke at every water, shall neither have good wife nor
good horse.
So this is why Eddy has me on a diet!
Jeanie
My rug rat is taking a couple of college classes this summer and is living in an old dorm with no a/c. The US college, which shall remain unnamed because of liability concerns, actually recommended that students bring electric fans. (Plural!)
Because you couldn't choose your roommate, I worried that a Korean student might be assigned to the RR and that they would have to sweat all summer. But then I realized, they could leave the windows open! Problem solved... I thought. But then it rained. And rained.
Fortunately, the roommate does not hail from Korea and therefore has not heard of fan death. So they can leave the fans on even when they must close the windows to keep out the rain.
But now, here you go publicizing -- again -- (in English!) fan death. If word gets out, there will be no more summer school, at least not in areas where it rains.
Jeanie, how doth Eddy treat his horse?
Jeffery Hodges
* * *
CIV, you know that I'm only doing my civic duty! Here I am trying to save lives from the dire consequences of running electric fans throughout the night, and you want me to cover up the truth!
Well, I for one refuse to hold my tongue! I state the truth loud and clear: Electric fans are killers!
Jeffery Hodges
* * *
I must be dying a slow death -- I have been sleeping either near a fan blowing over my bod or with an A/C going since we first got electricity at the tender age of 10 years. Fifty nine years later
I am still alive and kicking, just not nearly as high nor with as much force.
Jeanie, watch your diet and water source.
Cran
Cran,
Apparently you didn't read Professor Hodges explanation properly. He meant electrically powered fans.
I, on the other hand recall how you "camped on the lake" and that the stuff you have powered where you live is done with horsepower, literally. And then there was that "turtle heart."
Do you take the whole of the scientific community for fools? Most of the very young who might blunder across this good blog might be unnecessarily and dangerously unaware that you have previously stated these things and thus be tempted into believing that fan death is not something they need to take very, very seriously. At risk to their young lives.
JK
Thank you, JK, for pointing out Uncle Cran's magical thinking. Fan death, on the other hand, is well-grounded science -- as I have already noted.
The grounding is still obscure, though I lean toward quantum weirdness . . . but it's anybody's educated guess.
Jeffery Hodges
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I think someone or someones must have been sniffing something besides Jeanie's 'ether' power.
I will accept my "disses" with good grace, even though the {reasoning} is kind of 'fan'-tastic.
Now back to the cool air of my A/C powered not by horsepower but with a real electrical thingy.
Cran
Professor Hodges,
Is it possible that one person on one continent separated by the Pacific Ocean can "sniff" the same thing that one person separated by the same Pacific Ocean, on yet another continent, is "sniffing" the same substance?
I admit, I have sat behind a horse-powered vehicle and "sniffed" as Cran suggests, but I at least stepped off the step. It would appear to the most benign that Cran remained in order to, I can not imagine.
Professor, I would ask, what edition of what dictionary must I purchase (and on which page) shall I find in what terminology how the heck "disses" is defined?
Is it possible that Cran has sniffed too much construction glue?
I readily and purposefully admit I have sniffed things I'd have preferred not to (in retrospect) and as to Jeani, her "ether" would have to have been jet-streamed, which I rather doubt regardless. CFC's discounted.
Cran.
Which stops first? Flashlights or turtle hearts?
How does one reconcile (I in no way demean-or doubt... well) a self described "Bible-Thumper" who has pronounced he slept on a lake when even my Saviour needed to at least keep walking on the waters to keep afloat?
You may at will, judge my past, present and future actions (and language) and I understand that I am in no position to judge any portion of yours'-indeed Scripturally negated therefrom.
However I submit. Your "nephew" is a prestigously, world reknowned authority on Fan Death who has an Uncle who insists he "slept on the lake."
Cran, who am I to believe? A fairly young man, in possession of (age-wise) his faculties, a Professor no less, who proclaims the veracity of Fan Death, scientifically demonstrated, or a man who has for a life-time (age-wise) been sniffing construction glue: possessing admittedly a big vocabulary and who comes back to correct his mis-spelling but nevertheless has "slept on a lake?"
Had there been holes cut in the ice, I might not have this difficulty. Were there any?
JK
I shall maintain utterly unreproachable objectivity on the tangential debate over hypothetical action-at-a-distance through the proposed ether, for like Newton concerning gravity, I make no hypotheses, and I will therefore state that whatever puts me in the best light is precisely where I stand, and like Luther, I can do no other.
Jeffery Hodges
* * *
I have never walked on the lake, but do confess that at one time my older brother and I, one sub zero day, walked on "Big Creek," when it was frozen over. That is the nearest I have come to walking on water.
I am curious, has nephew Professor Jeffery, one time favorite nephew, in addition to secretly grading my blogs with a big red F, also contrived to hire other bloggers to "dis" (disrespect) me by holding me up to ridicule (dissing). I felt that at least I could hold my own with "nephew," but how can I continue with others joining him? Only Jeanie is with me. Do I smell a rat?
Cran
Well much like when I was a callow youth caught in a compromising position and promising my mum I'd only continue until I needed glasses. I today swear to only run my fan on low such that I only die half fast.
If I well recall, Milton referred to that as "sweet, reluctant amortise delay..." (Paradise Lost 4.311)
Jeffery Hodges
* * *
Honestly Jeff I would nae know as I'm closer to 'Chaucer's the miller's wife.' Cheers and please know I am a fan of yours and will never try to spin or impel you to be other then the man you are I would never err to your conditioning.
JK - I can't say for sure about holes in the ice, but if you had read my blogs more closely, you would have noticed my correction, that we camped in the lake SHORE (capitalized for emphasis). You only have to go to your nearest store to find something to sniff. I will ignore the other strange misconceptions, and just mention that I wasn't aware my nephew, Professor Jeffery was an world {reknowned} authority. I will yield to your superior knowledge, and concede that he is "re-known," with all relevant commendations. If he was "re-known," does that mean he was once forgotten. Or did you mean "world renowned," ie. world famous?
I wait with 'baited' breath.
Cran
BoHinK, I'm afraid that I misquoted Milton, who actually referred to that as "sweet, reluctant amorous delay..." (Paradise Lost 4.311).
My error is an understandable one, I trust, for "amortise" means "liquidation," which can, of course, result from such an activity.
Jeffery Hodges
* * *
Uncle Cran, shore you meant that!
Jeffery Hodges
* * *
Professor Hodges?
It's tomorrow afternoon and the check has yet to post to my account.
And I thought you advised to mis-spell some words so as to "throw him off the scent?"
JK
JK, worry not, for the check is always already in the mail.
Jeffery Hodges
* * *
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