Coping With My Failed IQ Test!

Sorrowing Over IQ Test

My schedule was so whacked over the past few weeks that my only time to meet colleagues for coffee was mornings at 7:00! Oddly, people were reluctant . . . even my coffee-klatch friend Prof. Cho, aka Annie. But maybe it's because I failed the IQ test she gave me a while back, questions like, "Which letter of the alphabet is a bird?" None of them, obviously, and I said so. That was not the official answer . . . But I was at a disadvantage, for Annie used the test sheet like a veil to obscure her face as she gave the test! Possibly, that was half of a double-blind experiment, but it felt like a less-than-serious distraction from the very serious business of IQ testing! I therefore wrote an e-letter of complaint -- over the test and the coffee-klatch refusal -- and demanded a retest over coffee:

Dear Annie,

I am shocked! Shocked! To learn that you are unwilling to rise at 5 a.m. to meet me for a 7 a.m. coffee!

Your ineluctable reluctance stems from my failure of that IQ test last Thursday, doesn't it? I literally proved my illiteracy -- I don't even know the alphabet!

But the test was unfair! How could I concentrate with you holding the test paper before your face like a veil? Is that even allowed in testing?

I insist on a re-test. How about 7 a.m.? Any day from Monday through Thursday . . .

Yours,

Jeffery

PS Don't worry. I know you can't make it that early.

Annie replied:

Here's a retest!

What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?

What can you catch but not throw?

What's black and white and red all over?

What's black and white and red all over?

Give me food, and I will live; give me water, and I will die. What am I?

What begins with P, ends with E, and has 1,000 letters?

A father and son were in a car accident. The father died, and the son was taken to the hospital. The doctor said, "I cannot operate on this boy. He is my son." How is this possible?

What kind of nut has a hole?

A cowboy rode into town on Friday, stayed three days, and left on Friday. How is this possible?

No cheating!!!!!

Annie

I undertook to take the test:

Answers attempted below:

Here's a retest!

Here?

What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?

I have to throw in the towel already!

What can you catch but not throw?

Such a question's nothing to sneeze at!

What's black and white and red all over?

An integrated, communist school system!

What's black and white and red all over?

Hmmm . . . question sounds familiar. A newspaper . . . unless you're reading the Korea Herald.

Give me food, and I will live; give me water, and I will die. What am I?

Seriously waterlogged.

What begins with P, ends with E, and has 1,000 letters?

A very long misspelling of "pie"! Or a snailmail "post-office"!

A father and son were in a car accident. The father died, and the son was taken to the hospital. The doctor said, "I cannot operate on this boy. He is my son." How is this possible?

Well, it's a long tale of a sordid affair that all began when . . . blah blah blah . . . and so the mother got her M.D. and married the guy even though he was a bad driver, and . . . what was the question again?

What kind of nut has a hole?

I dunno, but if I see a nut coming down the sidewalk, I always bolt the opposite direction!

A cowboy rode into town on Friday, stayed three days, and left on Friday. How is this possible?

He's a cowboy on a planet with only one day of the week, i.e., Friday! Their horses are all called that, too. In fact, "Friday" is the only word in their vocabulary.

No cheating!!!!!

Odd request . . . too many distractors . . .

Before Annie could reply, a few better answers occurred to me:

After the test, "desert" occurred to me as something that dies if watered . . . but how would one feed a desert?

Right after that email, the real answer came to me:

Ah! Feed a fire. Don't water it!

But I was sure I was stumped on the P and E question:

Dear Annie,

"What begins with P, ends with E, and has 1,000 letters?"

I guess I'll have to concede on this.

Do I get a grade?

Yours,

Jeffery

My mind turned to thoughts of drowning my sorrows over yet another failed IQ test:

Drowning Sorrows

But I turned out to be right! The answer was "post-office"! What a surprise! My reply to this other question, however, was counted wrong: "What kind of nut has a hole?" I had replied: "I dunno, but if I see a nut coming down the sidewalk, I always bolt the opposite direction!" The 'true' answer was:

A DONUT!!!!!!

But I felt that my answer was also right, so I politely inquired of the wholly nutty professor who had given me these IQ tests:

Not the sort that goes with a bolt?

Annie relented:

That's not the official answer but I'll give you credit and change your grade. Please send me all of your tests and papers from this semester and I'll ask the TA to start preparing the paperwork!

That sounded familiar, for I've had to do that, myself, so I wrote back:

I see you are experienced in making mistakes . . .

Annie replied:

Just once!!!! But I'll never forget!

True, one doesn't forget a grading error that requires such paperwork -- but all the more reason to drown sorrows since I myself made that same sort of error recently:

Sorrows Drowned

These three photos are courtesy of Prof. Annie Cho, taken on her smartphone at the EWIS celebratory lunch held at the summer session's end.

Thank you, Annie, and have a great time in Hawaii . . .