Monday, July 15, 2013

Uncle Cran on Grass, Needles, and Acid . . .

Johnson's Grass?
Or Uncle Cran's?

Time again for Uncle Cran's Sporadic "Farm Report"! The above image reveals Uncle Cran's true crop: Grass! In his own words:
We had a bumper crop of hay this year with the above normal spring rains. The pastures are doing well also. We are needing rain again, but there is still plenty of grass in the pastures.
Grass? What sort of grass?
One kind of grass has really flourished this year. Johnson grass is a plant that makes good hay, and can make two, and sometimes three cuttings, in a season.
Sounds lucrative, Uncle Cran! But don't misdirect attention toward Farmer Johnson down the road! Anyway, what about this fine grass?
It can be dangerous to livestock. It contains prussic acid, that can cause a cow to bloat with gas to the point that you have to punch a hole, or insert a large hypodermic needle in their flank to relieve the pressure, or they will die. We lost a bull a few years ago from eating it.
Well, Uncle Cran, leave off eating it for a day or two, and you might find that lost bull! And look who's an expert with needles! Not to mention acid, as Sixties folk like Uncle Cran might prefer to call LSD (Live-Stock Death). Never trust acid from Prussia! Anyway, how special is that grass?
I was walking with my three dogs this morning, and saw a stand of these plants growing beside the road. I pulled one and brought it to the house to measure. It was 9 feet, 6 inches, and there were a lot more at least that length.
A stand! And he bought some! (I thought Uncle Cran was growing the stuff!) What about that "grass in the pastures," of which there is "plenty"?

A truly enlightening "Farm Report" indeed. Little wonder these reports are sporadic . . .

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At 7:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not necessary to buy Johnson Grass.
It's in the same free category as wild blackberries. Both grow without any effort by the farmer.
Old timers used to say, "Anybody can raise blackberries if they aren't too durned lazy."
The same comment could apply to Johnson Grass.


At 7:59 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

I didn't think blackberries could be lazy.

Jeffery Hodges

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At 10:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And nephew Jeffery once again uses twisted logic and misapplied sentence structure in his comments.
Anybody could get the point of that quote if they weren't too durned busy (or lazy) to think it through.

Not that nephew Jeffery is either.
Maybe another case of attempted humor.


At 3:46 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Just following the grammar, Uncle Cran . . .

Jeffery Hodges

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