Fatherhood: More is Less!
Testosterone Molecule
Less of this Ballsy Little Stuff?
Less of this Ballsy Little Stuff?
(Image from Wikipedia)
Men, the news is bad. According to Pam Belluck, writing for the New York Times, "In Study, Fatherhood Leads to Drop in Testosterone" (September 12, 2011), procreation is not only bad for the male among bees, spiders, and mantises, it also proves harmful for human males:
Testosterone, that most male of hormones, takes a dive after a man becomes a parent. And the more he gets involved in caring for his children -- changing diapers, jiggling the boy or girl on his knee, reading "Goodnight Moon" for the umpteenth time -- the lower his testosterone drops.
And all this time, I'd considered my two children as empirical evidence for my virility! Instead, their presence announces that I'm less manly than ever. They literally deplete a man's masculinity! Who knew kids were so dangerous for men? I wish I could cry out "Bollocks" at this report, but only a "Truther" could deny the experimental evidence.
By the way, Ms Belluck's surname only incidentally recalls "bollocks," and I mention this point merely to dismiss any connection that you might be making, for any implied link could only be ironic, and Gypsy Scholar doesn't do irony, so I should go on to report about the positive side that scientists find to the fatherhood drop in vital testosterone, but I just can't bring myself to care anymore, now that I see the truth about Mother Nature's insidious ways . . .
Labels: Family, Humor, Toilet Humor
posted by Horace Jeffery Hodges @ 6:31 AM
6 comments
6 Comments:
Uhmmm...
I think now I understand the wife's dismay at what you'd expressed on our friend's site. Obviously Sun-Ae read the article first and knew you'd be too tired for bedtime stories to the kids after putting in long hours trying stuff with lesbians.
Now I realize it wasn't jealousy - Sun-Ae just wants to ensure you've the energy to take the trash out.
JK
Why, JK, what makes you think there's anything trashy in my apartment . . . aside from me, of course.
Jeffery Hodges
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I'm reminded of the idea, in magico-religious Taoism, that the man must somehow retain his virile energy by preventing semen from escaping during orgasm. Our prof described the technique as the exertion of digital pressure on the perineal region at the moment of climax.
(I'm trying to write this in as family-friendly a manner as possible. Our prof actually mimed the technique while describing it to the class.)
Maybe those ancient Taoists were on to something.
Your instructor must have been a frustrated actor . . .
Thanks for keeping the comment family friendly -- my wife reads this blog!
Jeffery Hodges
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Yes, Kevin Kim, this was an ancient form of birth control which, unfortunately, resulted in the death of many men who drowned in their own semen. Apparently, nature has its own way of dealing with machismo, an unfortunate side effect of virile energy. It is characterized by the urge to participate in barroom brawls and to refer to a domestic partner as the old ball and chain. The only cure is parenthood and the subsequent reduction of bad testosterone and the elevation of good testosterone that occurs after strenuous childcare exercise.
Good Lord, Kevin -- it's a conspiracy! We're doomed!
But thanks, LRH, for the return visit . . .
Jeffery Hodges
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