Poetry Break: "Diana's Lover"

Fool Moon?

(Image from Wikipedia)

Time for another poetry break . . . long past time, actually. This time, I offer a poem from around 1985, a not entirely successful one, I fear, concerning an uncertain 'Diana':

Diana's Lover

Stretch forth your hand to grasp the moon within
and close your fingers close around her globe;
and feel her warmth, and see her lunar glow
shine golden through your now-translucent skin.

Then press her gently, deep into your breast
until you feel the beating of your heart,
and know the moon herself has come to rest
within that prescient throbbing, restless part.

Not that one could actually do this, no matter how much in love one might be, but that's poetic licentiousness.

But how could this bit of doggerel be improved? The most obvious solution would be to delete it altogether, but that's no fun. Let's at least improve the rhyme scheme by making the first stanza fit the pattern of the second:

Stretch forth your hand to grasp the moon within
and close your fingers close around her bow;
and feel her warmth, and see your lunar skin
shine golden with a now-translucent glow.

The meaning is somewhat altered, but no matter, for composing poetry is as much about discovery as creation, about finding something caught within language and setting it free. Not that I've succeeded in that in this. Anyway, let's pair this altered stanza with the unaltered one:

Diana's Lover

Stretch forth your hand to grasp the moon within
and close your fingers close around her bow;
and feel her warmth, and see your lunar skin
shine golden with a now-translucent glow.

Then press her gently, deep into your breast
until you feel the beating of your heart,
and know the moon herself has come to rest
within that prescient throbbing, restless part.

Is that better? What do readers think? Feel free to try your own hand at improvements -- or at parodies -- in the comments.

Enjoy . . . or not.