Ate Things About Me

What I Ate Last Night

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Randy McRoberts, of The Upward Way Press fame ... oh, you've not heard of Randy despite his fame? Really? Why, he's been blogging since at least December 6, 2001! That's right, Randy McRoberts.... No? Well, how about Randall C. McRoberts? Yeah, that guy. Okay, as I was saying, Randy (yes, yes, that's Randall) has tagged me for Ate Things About Me.

It's an odd request, but Randy admits that he's a bit ... eccentric. Or "a total heretic," as he puts it. I'm quite normal, though, so I may have some trouble fulfilling this request, but I'll give it a try. Let's see ... maybe I ought to number the things about me that I ate, and perhaps I should start with ... oh, say, the number "1." People generally do, though I'm not sure why. There are other nice numbers. I've always liked irrational numbers, like "√2," "phi," "pi," and all the others. Hey! Why not start with "√2" and ascend? Yeah, I'll do that instead:

Ate Things About Me:

1.41421356 (√2): Ate a penny. I was a baby, I don't recall this, and nobody says that I did, but every baby eats a penny. So ... I ate a penny.

1.61803398 (phi): Ate a gnat. Running toward the baseball dugout from my position way off in left field and cheering our team on to its imminent victory, I happened to snag a gnat that I couldn't cough up easily. Did I eat this creature? Technically, since it went into my lungs, I suppose that I 'breathed' it. Anyway, I ingested it.

2.23606797 (√5): Ate some gum. I was in the 11th grade and got caught chewing gum in class, which was strictly against the rules. My friends and I had been sneaking some 'chaws' out by the trees, but I forgot to spit mine out before English class. Mr. Ligon took me to the principal's office for corporal punishment -- performed with the board of education, as they liked to call it -- and to hide the evidence, I swallowed the gum. Got punished anyway.

2.645751311 (√7): Ate some dirt. My nose was being rubbed in it. 'Nuff said.

3.14159265 (pi): Ate my pride. First semester of university. Failed all my midterm exams and decided that I'd better figure out how to study rather than pretend that I was too smart not to need to.

3.16227766 (√10): Ate my words. Repeatedly. I've lost my taste for that dish, but there seem to be a lot of leftovers. Sigh...

4.12310562 (√17): Ate nine. 'Cause I'm seven, and 7-8-9.

4.35889894 (√19): Ate up time. Well, something did, and it must have been me, 'cause I turned 50 this year.

There are many, many other things that I ate sometime or other, but there are even far more things that do not belong to the set of things about me that I ate at any time ... such as a worm (despite reports to the contrary)!

Well, I hope that this little education in edibility has been edifying. Go forth and eat to build up your edifice! I think that I shall. Breakfast is nigh, here in Seoul, about time for me to prepare for my wife her special toast.