Tuesday, August 02, 2016

Here comes the judge(ment)


Concerning poetry, specifically, concerning the old poem below, which of the two versions is best? Or less bad:
Diana's Lover
Stretch forth your hand to grasp the moon within
and close your fingers close around her globe;
and feel her warmth, and see her lunar glow
shine golden through your now-translucent skin.

Then press her gently, deep into your breast
until you feel the beating of your heart,
and know the moon herself has come to rest
within that prescient throbbing, restless part.

Or:
Diana's Lover
Stretch forth your hand to grasp the moon within
and close your fingers close around her bow;
and feel her warmth, and see your lunar skin
shine golden with a now-translucent glow.

Then press her gently, deep into your breast
until you feel the beating of your heart,
and know the moon herself has come to rest
within that prescient throbbing, restless part.
For what it's worth, the second has the more consistent rhyme scheme.

For your enjoyment, here's "Diana."

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2 Comments:

At 10:58 AM, Blogger Carter Kaplan said...

I like the first one better.

Why?

1) the sense of the lines in #1 says it better.
2) I wasn't paying much attention to the rhyme scheme anyway.

 
At 12:40 PM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Thanks. I think much as you.

Jeffery Hodges

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