Thursday, March 06, 2014

Uncle Cran's Follow-Up Report

Uncle Cran with Frozen Jackhammer

Today's report from Uncle Cran opens with details of his performance as an ice-bound ice-breaker:
I scraped the 4 inches of snow off the concrete slab on the south side of the house, then used a shovel to break up the ice this morning. It measured different thicknesses, from 2-1/8 to 2-1/4 inches thick.
There's another of those uses of the pronoun "it" that Uncle Cran loves to employ, and since a pronoun usually refers back to the nearest noun, I infer that "It" refers back to "morning." Thus: "This morning measured different thicknesses, from 2-1/8 to 2-1/4 inches thick." I thought mornings were measured in hours, minutes, and seconds, but anyway, if I remember my math, 2 minus 1/8 equals 1 and 7/8, and 2 minus 1/4 equals 1 and 3/4, so Uncle Cran's morning was a bit uneven, though the difference is hardly worth mentioning. I don't know why Uncle Cran makes his farm reports so freaking complicated!
The only place I can break up the ice is where the sun is shining on the concrete.
I think Uncle Cran means he doesn't know his ice from a hole in the ground unless the light isn't where the sun don't shine. He is therefore only going to work in the sunlight. Primarily, that appears to mean that he's going to let Mother Nature solve the ice problem, as his following words show, a reasonable decision, I might add, since she's responsible for this problem, anyway.
There has been very little melting as the temperature gets to 7-9 degrees at night, and up to 34-36 degrees about noon.

The temperature is predicted to get higher the rest of the week, and the snow and ice should start melting more quickly.

There is a chance of rain on Friday, so that should really cause the stuff to melt.
By "stuff," Uncle Cran means "snow" and "ice." Let's call it "snice." As in: "It's snice out there."

Some readers might find my paronomasia funny. If so, stick around . . .

Labels: ,


At 4:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Laughing as I type...Uncle Cran's e-mails always bring a chuckle, your follow-up brings the laughter.

Cuz Bill

At 5:04 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Well, it's all in good fun -- and Uncle Cran gives as good as he gets.

Jeffery Hodges

* * *

At 7:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wasn't gonna comment as I was waiting for the pictured fellow to come and explain why he'd sent a picture of what is obviously an icicle rather than what he'd said it was.

But. I noticed that for me to prove I'm not a robot I'd have to type "nonsense" and "uNcle" - and since these posts of the past two days have come from You Know Who - I figured Blogger was trying to tell me something.


At 7:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's too bad that my nephews are so bound by word structure that they miss the story.
Most people would have had no problem understanding the message.

I read of a famous defense trial lawyer who never lost a case. He suspected his wife was unfaithful when he was away, so he hired a private investigator to trace her activities.

He reported following the wife.
She met a man, attended a dance with him, then they went to a bar. Late in the evening, she invited the man to her home. They drank and danced away the rest of the evening, doing a lot of hugging and kissing.
Eventually she brought him into the bedroom.
The distraught husband asked, "Then what happened?"
The investigator replied, "I don't know. She pulled the shades and turned out the lights."
The famous trial defense lawyer cried in agony. "Oh God! Always the element of doubt."

We may be so bound by our training, we miss the point.


At 10:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I "guess" ol' JK is going to continue getting the ol' "I'm ignoring you JK 'cause you recognized an icicle just as my brother recognized That's not the same dime! Cran?


At 10:35 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Yeah, Uncle Cran, what's up with that?

Jeffery Hodges

* * *

At 11:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I wasn't ignoring you.
I was just caught up in the attitudes of two nephews who are so concerned with punctuation, sentence structure, commas and other items that they minimize the point of my writings.
It makes me wonder how I was able to get consistent A's on my theme papers, essays, etc. through my four years of Bible College.
It must be the result of the inevitable wear and tear of my mental faculties in my old age.
You are definitely not a robot and write some of the most interesting comments.


At 6:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My current failings are the result of old age wear and tear of my mental abilities.

If you guys want that photo to be either a jackhammer or icicle rather than a large 2+ inches thick slab of ice, that's ok with me.

We all have the right to be wrong.



Post a Comment

<< Home