Monday, April 29, 2013

Uncle Cran (The Old *Art) Hodges: At Work on His Man-Cave

Uncle Cran is still busy on his Arkansas farm back in the Ozarks. I reckon The Old *Art's work is never done. But maybe if he'd work a little faster . . . Be that as it may, he claims to be nearing completion of his Man-Cave, and he does have photographic evidence, albeit no evidence that he's actually working:

Man-Cave Photo?

That's the first photo -- and now for the first claim:
The Man-Cave/Kitcheonette is almost done.
Er . . . don't know how to break this to you, Uncle Cran . . . but a Man-Cave ain't got no 'Kitch-E-O-nette'! If you aren't careful, you'll soon be quoting T. S. Eliot on Grishkin and her maisonette!
Gay has been cracking the whip lately, so we are down to just a few items like light fixtures, switch covers, and formica for the cabinets.
A Man-Cave ain't the sort of place that a Cave-Man shares possession of with his woman! And if anybody's gonna be cracking a whip, well . . .
I just finished the base trim this morning, and Gay has unpacked her suitcases, and won't leave me, . . . for the moment anyway. As soon as I notice her repacking, I'll finish the job.
Uncle Cran! You make this so-called 'Man'-Cave sound like a gift to your woman! Don't you realize it's a Cave-Man's place, one he's taken for himself?
If you notice, just beside the water heater, I can move the trash can, and there is a small area just large enough to sit down in, that I can make into my man cave, some time in the distant future.
Eh? Do I hear aright? An admission that this already-built stuff ain't no true Man-Cave? Speaking of which, what's the price of admission for you?
You will also note that the dining table has only two chairs . . . (not saying that there is any kind of hint regarding company coming to visit, of course).
I'm concerned about that second chair, Uncle Cran. While I'd like to believe it's for you propping your feet upon, I have a sneaking suspicion of a different use . . .
We got a good rain yesterday and last night, about 1.75 inches.
In the Man-Cave?! Or the Woe-Man-Cave . . . or whatever you're calling it, after all. But what I really want to know is why, after all those years of carpentry work, you still haven't learned to put a roof on first!
Or pastures and hay fields are really growing.
Or? You got a good rain OR your fields are growing? Is this some sort of tricky logical puzzle?
We mowed our yard last week, and now it is ready again.
Ready for what -- rain . . . or growing?
We found enough wild asparagus in our yard and down the roadway to have two meals.
Sounds like you're letting the yard run wild! What next? Poke salat?
We haven't had time to put out a garden, and the ground is so saturated, with more rain forecast, that we don't know when we can get one planted.
Just let that wild yard grow your food this year, Uncle Cran.
That's pretty much the news down on the farm.
And stupefying news it was, too . . . so lets take a gander at the second photo:

Woe-Man-Cave Photo

This photo reveals most clearly that a Man-Cave this space ain't. With the first photo, one might be fooled, but not with this second photograph. This space is obviously domesticated . . . and so is Uncle Cran.

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At 8:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nephew Bill called it my condo.
I understand a condo is a place where people pay huge amounts of money for the privilege of using it a few times of the year. This likely includes them purchasing their own food and drink, and paying the utilities.
This sounds interesting, if I could get someone to shell out the funds.
Another possibility is making it a bed & breakfast establishment, where folks again pay for the usage and services.
Any suggestions?


At 9:28 PM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

I suggest you ask your woe-man first, Uncle Cran.

Jeffery Hodges

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At 7:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I haven't heard from JK of late.
I hope he isn't the "late JK."

Since he may be in driving distance, I also wonder if he would be interested in a small investment in my condo. There are amenities....walking paths in the meadows and woods, ponds for fishing or swimming, good company, interesting conversations, to name a few. He may have to shoo the cows away at times if he wants to take a swim, and one pond has enough algae to support one's weight, so that he wouldn't worry about sinking and drowning, much like the Dead Sea.
There are very few ticks and chiggers, just enough to occupy his evenings removing them.

How about it, JK?


At 12:30 PM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

JK might want to know about house rules concerning beer . . .

Jeffery Hodges

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