For the Love of a Warlord

Cover by J. Scott Campbell

Newsarama

I received an email this morning from a certain 'Warlord'! Or so my inbox threatened, so I clicked on the email, with a bit of trepidation, to learn what this was about:

Hello dear,

Hello yourself. You're calling me "dear"? That's rather sweet of a warlord.

How are you ? hope you are good.

How am I? Oh, I'm well enough, if that's what you mean, and I try to be good. They're not the same, you know. I think you probably do know.

my name is Amira Warlord,

Amira the Warlord, I take it, your title having been shortened to a surname. You have my deepest respect . . . and my attention.

I find your contact on my search for a nice and lovely friend. and i will like to establish a relationship with you.

That sounds rather like an offer I can't refuse. Or not easily. Not without risking my life. But I'm no bacha bereesh, no boy without a beard, so I'm really too old to be taken on as one of your dancing boys.

I will tell you more about myself once i hear from you, A friend who truly understand his or her friend and share their feelings together.

Share my feelings? Okay, since you've granted me the right to speak freely . . . warlords make me feel insecure, fearful, threatened, and very, very mortal.

I will send my pictures to you immediately i receive your reply . . . believe we can move from here!

I've got your picture above . . . I think. Of you and a friend. That's why the "we" in your offer to move has me worried. I'm not sure the threesome you propose is to my taste, but I fear it might be to your friend's taste!

I am waiting for your mail to my email address above. Remember that the distance, colour or language does not matter but love matters alot in life.

Distance. I like that part of what you say. I'll go even further. Contact doesn't even matter in love. Let's not even contact each other. That way, any 'love' between us will remain absolutely pure.

Best regards

Same to you (but what else could I safely say?).

Amira.

You forgot to add "Warlord." I must say that of the many offers of eternal internetted love, yours is the most compelling. Potentially the most forceful.

But please excuse me while I change my name, my place of residence, and everything else about me . . .