Radioman Speaks . . .
My 'favorite' uncle, "Uncle Cran," has sent me a scanned photo -- allegedly of his younger self -- which I've posted today without permission because I know that Uncle Cran would never sue his near kin for misappropriation of private materials or for publication of libelous characterizations.
So, here goes.
First, Uncle Cran inadvertently informs us of the dreary character of his quotidean life:
I took my computer and scanner/printer to the shop monday, and now I can scan and send documents and photos.His days are apparently so dull as not even to deserve capitalization, and I don't for the life of me understand why he noted only that he now "can scan and send documents and photos," for he can also likely now print documents and photos, which is surely wonderful news and as exciting as sending them.
Anyway, what does he then have to say of himself? The following words:
This is an old photo, made about 1958, right after I made Radioman 2nd Class (E-5). It has a lot of wrinkles because of age, and now I have them on my face because of age. Sure wish I still had that much hair again.The only reason to have "that much hair again" is to attract the fair sex, but Uncle Cran is a married man, so what does he think he's wishing for, an escape from that dreary, mundane reality of his? Let's imagine his thoughts:
My Uncle Cran, a married man,But can Uncle Cran, once Radioman, unman that inclination? Can he, with manly will and grit, resist that strong temptation?
Sure wished that he were hairy.
"Oh, if I can, I'd then go man
The ramparts!" -- or so dare he.
Thought Uncle Cran, that hairless man,
"If I could only harry,
Like Strauss-Kahn can, each female fan,
This old life I would bury!"
But Uncle Cran, that dis-haired man,
Like all, his lot must bear he,
And learn to ban such thoughts as ran
So thoughtless and unwary.
So long as he remains hairless, I believe that his integrity will stay secured.
But just in case, let us lift up to the Lord a prayer that Uncle Cran continue to shed his hair down upon the earth and raise his thoughts up unto the heavens . . .
UPDATE: I just realized that I missed an opportunity to title my little poem "Radar Love." Damn!