Radioman Speaks . . .
Uncle "Radioman" Cran
(Used Without Permission)
My 'favorite' uncle, "Uncle Cran," has sent me a scanned photo -- allegedly of his younger self -- which I've posted today without permission because I know that Uncle Cran would never sue his near kin for misappropriation of private materials or for publication of libelous characterizations.
So, here goes.
First, Uncle Cran inadvertently informs us of the dreary character of his quotidean life:
I took my computer and scanner/printer to the shop monday, and now I can scan and send documents and photos.His days are apparently so dull as not even to deserve capitalization, and I don't for the life of me understand why he noted only that he now "can scan and send documents and photos," for he can also likely now print documents and photos, which is surely wonderful news and as exciting as sending them.
Anyway, what does he then have to say of himself? The following words:
This is an old photo, made about 1958, right after I made Radioman 2nd Class (E-5). It has a lot of wrinkles because of age, and now I have them on my face because of age. Sure wish I still had that much hair again.The only reason to have "that much hair again" is to attract the fair sex, but Uncle Cran is a married man, so what does he think he's wishing for, an escape from that dreary, mundane reality of his? Let's imagine his thoughts:
My Uncle Cran, a married man,But can Uncle Cran, once Radioman, unman that inclination? Can he, with manly will and grit, resist that strong temptation?
Sure wished that he were hairy.
"Oh, if I can, I'd then go man
The ramparts!" -- or so dare he.
Thought Uncle Cran, that hairless man,
"If I could only harry,
Like Strauss-Kahn can, each female fan,
This old life I would bury!"
But Uncle Cran, that dis-haired man,
Like all, his lot must bear he,
And learn to ban such thoughts as ran
So thoughtless and unwary.
Probably.
So long as he remains hairless, I believe that his integrity will stay secured.
But just in case, let us lift up to the Lord a prayer that Uncle Cran continue to shed his hair down upon the earth and raise his thoughts up unto the heavens . . .
UPDATE: I just realized that I missed an opportunity to title my little poem "Radar Love." Damn!
Labels: Family, Poetry, Toilet Humor
posted by Horace Jeffery Hodges @ 5:48 AM
7 comments
7 Comments:
Is your Uncle Cran still as handsome now as he was in his youth?
Sonagi
Somewhere on my blog are photos of an older Uncle Cran. He still looks pretty good -- and he has more hair than I do!
Jeffery Hodges
* * *
My wife, Linda Gay, thinks so, and that's all that matters.
And my opinion of her is expressed in an old song: When you and I were young:
They say I am feeble with age, Linda, my steps are lively as then.
My face is a well written page, Linda, and time alone was the pen.
And now we are aged and gray, Linda, the trials of life nearly done.
But to me you are as fair as you were, Linda, when you and I were young
(My version of "When you and I were young, Maggie).
I lived with Gay for the first 25 years, and the last 26 with Linda.
I didn't know her first name for a long time.
Cran
That should be: "...my steps are less lively than then."
I have other age related issues.
Cran
I was wondering when you'd notice this, Uncle Cran, and you now see that I've honored you with your very own poem!
Jeffery Hodges
* * *
I typed a response that evidently disappeared into cyberspace, so I'll repeat:
Thank you for the poem.
It was pretty neat, but misguided.
The first time that we took Sun-Ae, Sa-Rah and En-Uk swimming in the lake I sunburned my head, so the next time I had to wear a hat.
That is the reason I was wishing for my once full head of hair.
From this you can see how that a person's own philosophical outlook can cause that person to deduce wrong conclusions.
Cran
To protect your head requires merely a covering -- hat, cap, chador, burqa -- so my hermeneutic of suspicion yet stands, Uncle Cran.
Besides, you'll go down in history as the subject of a great *ahem* poem . . .
Jeffery Hodges
* * *
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