Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Erratum: Hellraiser, not Hellbender!

Real Authentic Hellbender
(Image Supplied by Cousin Bill)

I've received an unofficial Weekly Rambling message from Cousin Bill, who supplies the photo above and corrects an error in yesterday's blog entry:
Now here's a real authentic Hellbender [in the photo above]. The blog photo [from yesterday, provided below,] was actually that of a reformed "Hellraiser" -- species "unclecranus" -- taken in the cold shallows of Spring River:

It appears Mr. Trauth photographed our beloved Uncle Cran (note the short, aged and wrinkled birthday suit) lost and wandering Fulton County branches, creeks and rivers, days after making a wrong turn during his weekly bath/swim.

And Uncle Cran, ever shy and inhibited, decided he'd best stay submerged, and allow himself to forever be misidentified in Wikipedia as a Hellbender.
Gypsy Scholar regrets having perpetuated the misidentification and thanks the ever-alert Cousin Bill for the correction.

But as an erratum to be corrected in Cousin Bill's message, note that Mr. Trauth's photo is from the Ozark Hellbender website, not from Wikipedia.

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At 8:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It seems that another once favorite nephew (Bill {nee Billy}...), has allowed his youthful drinking binges, years of breathing train diesel smoke, and for the past few years of semi-retirement, transporting vehicles across the country, while keeping one eye on the road, as the other eye observes the scenery and lifeforms, to distort his sanity.
This latest cockeyed trait has caused him to have cockeyed thoughts.
The above blog is an example.
However, he is not to be censured, but pitied. Hopefully it is not too late for a return to normalcy.
I will pray for his recovery.

But I fear that my other once favorite nephew (Jeffery) has allowed his fear of fan death to weaken his brilliant mind, as he seems to be influenced by his cousin's fantasy. Or perhaps he is running out of topics, and is searching.....

They both need your and my prayers.


At 8:52 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Run out of topics? Me? Perish the thought! There'll always be an abundance of topics when one has an Uncle Cran in the family.

Besides, I easily blogged on two topics this fine morning, so there's little evidence for the hasty supposition that I'm having to scrounge around for things to write about.

But for anyone who feels led to pray for my welfare, please place before the exalted throne a plea for my greater financial success, for I could use some help in that area.

Jeffery Hodges

* * *

At 10:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Uh Cran?

Are you anything like Santa Clause?

The only reason I ask is that you seem to be dis-inheriting this or that nephew on a fairly regular basis (dis-inheriting - it would seem - from what must be a rather sizeable fortune) else the various nephews wouldn't seem so eager to regain your good graces.

Another thing - do you keep lists? Who's been naughty, who's been nice? (To Cran specifically I gather.)

Might I call you "Uncle Cran?"

I'm uncertain as to my precise geneological line but I have certain oh, "traits" I guess that would seem to indicate a predispostion toward writing things and hitting, "Publish Your Comment" and then having to come back to correct small (very small) imprecisions.

Whaddaya say, would this qualify for DNA analysis?

"Uncle Cran?"


At 10:12 AM, Blogger Bill said...

Well, golly gee.....Uncle Cran awoke. As always, dear uncle, I appreciate your words of praise.
And it's way too late for my return to "normalcy". Remember.... my formative years were influenced by you and some of the other Big Creek family.
So, appreciate the prayers.

At 10:29 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

JK, every hillbilly is related. Uncle Cran has to disinherit a lot of potential claimants to his estate or there'll be nothing left for his own legally recognized children.

Jeffery Hodges

* * *

At 10:30 AM, Blogger Bill said...

The fortune's gone. It's all been spent on typing lessons, English classes, and one used out of date dictionary.
Like Jeff, I hold out hope he'll pray for our respective financial successes.

At 10:35 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Cousin Bill, I appreciate your honest attempts to keep us up to date on Uncle Cran's activities in one or another of the Ozarks' various waterways.

Photographs don't lie . . . unless that mud puppy has been retouched to look like Uncle Cran. But I don't think so, and I've found a close-up that is quite clearly not photoshopped and is also quite clearly Uncle Cran.

Jeffery Hodges

* * *

At 10:38 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Uncle Cran . . . broke? I hope he don't take a dry dive like some bankers did back in '29! Prayer is the answer for him, and I hope that he will indeed include some altruistic prayers for our financial success.

Jeffery Hodges

* * *

At 10:41 AM, Blogger Bill said...

Just reviewed the Andrias Homepage....and I'm still laughing.
Hope Uncle Cran will enjoy.

At 10:47 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Yes, Cousin Bill, and it's clearly Uncle Cran, for he's being handled with kid gloves due to his shy and retiring nature . . . not to mention the damp skin of his birthday suit.

Jeffery Hodges

* * *

At 1:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, IF and I reiterate IF

My rich "Uncle Cran" has some Japanese ancestry, and he looks as photo'ed, I'd say there is some family resemblance, big mouth, undulating skin and perhaps - I figure most likely now - a paper money and stock certificated stuffed mattress

Uncle Cran (now that I'm certain - we'll leave off that DNA test - and the quotation marked and longed for obviously hellbending geneological bloodline)

and of course your obviously undeserving dis-inherited nephews

simply mail your largesse - Long may you live and PROSPER - to "JK c/o AIG, Wall Street, and The Federal Government, Washington, DC 72204."

I promise, JK will use his inheritance wisely and charitably.

I can see now why, you Sir, are so quick to disenfranchise your ingrate family bloggers.

Uncle Cran? This blog-post will soon slip into the archives. I would suggest (solely in the name of charity) that you write my address and send it to your attorneys.

(I might add - limit their compensation dependent on their capturing "live of course" a really big hellbender.

I will of course, petition the Arkansas Legislature to re-name the creature the "Uncle Cran Vice-Free Never Liquor To Have Passed My Lips (Well Except For The Few Times I Forgot) Big Creek Lizard.

Yes Cran, I realize it's not actually a lizard - but then again - it'll be the Arkansas Legislature I'll be dealing with.

Your Always Admiring Nephew,

At 5:38 PM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Good luck, JK, for as Cousin Bill has pointed out, the fortune is gone -- wasted on trifles!

Jeffery Hodges

* * *

At 7:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

For all my natural and aspiring nephews:

The only fortune I will leave will be a sizable debt to medical personnel, hospitals, and the nursing home.

Each of you will be asked to contribute your share.....except JK, who has no known address, and must be located by writing to him on this blog. JK can contribute directly to Jeffery, who will then forward to me.

It would be helpful if each of you would start a fund now, by sending cash (no checks please) to me immediately. It will be invested wisely, starting with a good bathing suit.


At 8:47 PM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

"JK can contribute directly to Jeffery . . . . It would be helpful if each of you would start a fund now, by sending cash."

Excellent idea! I await the money.

Jeffery Hodges

* * *

At 4:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I sent some money in today's post, but I think I may've forgotten to lick the envelope.

If same reaches you and contains nothing, file a complaint with the Post Offfice.


At 4:33 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Will do, JK -- and shall also ask Uncle Cran for presequent preimbursement now in case that unfortunacity should unfold and the money fall out.

I use legal terminology, of course, just to let Uncle Cran know that I'm aware of my rightful rights.

Jeffery Hodges

* * *

At 6:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will borrow a phrase from Jeffery (slightly rephrased):

The money is in the mail......ever and always in the mail.

Therefore, ever and always, with hopeful hearts, keep looking for that presequent or postsequent reimburement.


At 8:21 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Uncle Cran, I await the promised money as patiently as Estragon and Vladimir.

Jeffery Hodges

* * *


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