Another Stanza from Lindh

Not THE Jarhead

From looking more carefully at Lindh's ballad, I concede that there's a poem lurking in there, but it needs a more careful hand. For example, look at the stanza below:

A blistered bloated jarhead face
Deep purple findernails [sic]
A smell seeps out that's foul enough
To cleanse a man's entrails

The imagery is descriptive and strong - the third and fourth lines are very effective - but the writer needs to put more care into spelling and punctuation. Let's improve the stanza:

A blistered, bloated jarhead face,
Deep purple fingernails,
A smell seeps out that's foul enough
To cleanse a man's entrails.

Cleansing one entrails through vomiting makes for an effective image.

Although I could help Lindh rework his entire 'poem,' I'll stop here. I wouldn't help him for any money, no matter how much.