Spammer Visitation

Burkina Faso

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My fame has again spread among the spammers of the world, for a certain Dr. Cumala Ail Mamadou Neymar has sent me a missive that landed in my spam file, and his first words - sounding like an unintended warning - were as follows: "May God be with you and your family, so you can: call me." If God has to be on my side before I can safely call this Neymar fellow, then I have no intention of calling him.

But who is this guy anyway?

DR CUMALA AIL MAMADOU NEYMAR / BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER BIB BANK OF AFRICA OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA-FASO, WEST AFRICA. MAY PEACE BE UNTO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

I don't know what a Bib Bank is - it sounds rather infantile - but I see from the all-caps that I'm expected to infer that this is all VERY IMPORTANT. At this point, he greets me again - once more bringing God into the ungodly deal he's about to offer - and immediately offers to split nearly 50 million dollars with me:

Greetings to you in the name of God. I am DR CUMALA AIL MAMADOU NEYMAR, auditing and accounting manager, Bib Bank of Africa Ouagadougou Burkina Faso. I need your assistance in transferring the sum of ($49,850,000) million US dollars into your account within 7 to 10 banking days.

Not $50,000,000? Only $49,850,000? I'd like to know where that 150 thousand dollars went to! And how did Neymar change his job in the middle of an email: from bill and exchange manager to auditing and accounting manager? Anyway, here is the (ungodly) deal:

This account belongs to one of our foreign customers, by name, Mr. Alan Williams, who died along with his entire family in a plane crash some years ago, so I agree that 50% of this money will be for you in respect of the provision of a foreign account, and 50% would be for me.

The calculations would be easier if we were splitting 50 million. Next comes some garbled writing:

Thereafter, I will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentage indicated. Reply me (sic) if interested by (sic) contact me through my private email (redacted) or you can: call me (redacted) and I will furnish you with more details (sic) information as soon as I get your response. My God be with you and your family.

Neymar would seem to be the one more in need of God! Or of a grammarian. If I had time, I would write back and claim to be the cousin of Mr. Alan Williams and demand an explanation as to just what Dr. Cumala Ail Mamadou Neymar is planning to do with the money that should be coming to me!

Now, that would be fun . . .