A pretty decent nonplagiarized essay ... revised!

Jesus as Pantokrator

6th-Century Mosaic

Church of San Apollinare Nuovo

Ravenna, Italy
The Christ, and also a Christian's hero!

(Image from Wikipedia)

In my blog entry for November 27th, I praised a student for writing an interesting, very intelligent essay, and I posted the student's introductory paragraph (and I'll explain the red-fonted part in a moment):

Controversy swept over Christians around the world as the Harry Potter books became international bestsellers. Was it a dangerous book that could influence people, especially young children, to confuse the fundamental beliefs of Christianity with the fictional but pagan ideas from the world of magic? Or was it just a children's fantasy story that didn't deserve such a huge reaction? Even now, as the seventh Harry Potter book is yet to be released, some people claim that it is anti-Christian because it explains the world order in laws of magic that holds no room for Christian doctrines. Others say that it actually promotes Christian values such as love, courage to do what is just, and forgiveness. Similarly, Beowulf is often among heated controversy on whether he is a Christian or pagan hero figure, as there are frequent references to the Bible and acknowledgements of one divine God that rules the earth in the text. In this essay, I will try to prove in a completely textual perspective that Beowulf in Beowulf cannot be identified as a Christian hero in comparison to Gawain in Sir Gawain and the Green Knight because Beowulf dissatisfies the crucial conditions of a Christian hero that are visible in Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.

For a first draft, that was very good, and the essay warranted a "B" (but got a "C+" for being one day late). I had no doubt that the student could rise to an "A" level, likely even an "A+" level ... but with a few minor changes based on my critique:

I don't happen to agree with this student's thesis, and the paper goes on to define "Christian hero" too narrowly as "a hero who is a Christian." As I point out to my student, this definition would exclude King David and every other Old Testament hero, who are -- admittedly -- not themselves Christian but who are certainly heros to Christians. It would even exclude that greatest of heros revered by Christians: Jesus himself. He may have been the Christ, but he was no Christian.

Ultimately, this narrow definition detracts from the student's otherwise fine effort because it makes the analytical job too easy. All that one need do is show that the hero Beowulf is not a Christian, and one has proved that he is not a Christian hero.

That might work -- in a bare, technical sense -- but it ignores as irrelevant all the interesting things that one might otherwise notice concerning Beowulf's status as a symbol of Christ.

Okay, the changes required weren't so "minor" after all, but my student rose to the occasion, revising the thesis statement, along with the transitional sentences leading into it -- hence the red font above (original) and below (revised) -- and substantially revising the entire essay (which I won't reproduce here, of course):

Controversy swept over Christians around the world as the Harry Potter books became international bestsellers. Was it a dangerous book that could influence people, especially young children, to confuse the fundamental beliefs of Christianity with the fictional but pagan ideas from the world of magic? Or was it just a children's fantasy story that didn't deserve such a huge reaction? Even now, as the seventh Harry Potter book is yet to be released, some people claim that it is anti-Christian because it explains the world order in laws of magic that holds no room for Christian doctrines. Others say that it actually promotes Christian values such as love, courage to do what is just, and forgiveness. Similarly, Beowulf is often among heated controversy on whether he is a Christian or pagan hero figure. However, since this discerning process is a delicate matter, some scholars try to find a 'grey' interpretation, one that does not belong to the solid black or solid white areas that do not have room for each other, but somewhere in between with claims towards which of the two colors this grey area has a tendency to be closer to. With this in mind, I, too, have tried to find a middle ground on which to lay out my own sufficient definition of the identities of the heroes on which to lay out an interesting argument. Therefore in this essay, I will try to prove in a completely textual perspective that Beowulf in Beowulf is closer to the concept of a 'Christian's hero' than Gawain in Sir Gawain and the Green Knight is because Beowulf succeeds in maintaining an unwavering attitude in his test of faith that Gawain fails to match.

I don't have to worry about plagiarism with this student, who shows mastery in reasoning as well as in style. I especially like how the student reworked my critique to express the concept of a "Christian's hero." One could apply the concept to characters from The Lord of the Rings, the Narnia series, or even the Harry Potter stories, none of which have obvious Christians as heroes. Anyway, as one might expect from such an introduction, the whole essay proceeds brilliantly. I'm not fully convinced that Beowulf is undergoing a "test of faith," but I need not be persuaded on every point in order to award a student a top mark.

I might add that this student is a very intelligent individual who is writing in English as a second language. All the more impressive...