Secret Agent Man

CONTROL Agent Michael J. Totten, our man in Lebanon, insists that he is not a spy:

Totten: "I am not a spy. Got that? I. Am. Not. A. Spy."

KAOS Agent: "Ah, but a spy would say that. Sorry, Mr. 'Totten,' but we'll need more proof."

Totten: "Spies don't pretend to be journalists."

KAOS Agent: "Ah, you admit pretending to be a journalist."

Totten: "All right, I admit that. I'm actually a blogger pretending to be a journalist. Bloggers don't spy. They just sit around at home in pajamas surfing the internet at 3:00 in the morning."

KAOS Agent: "True."

Totten: "If I were really a spy, I'd be out there pretending to be a missionary evangelizing tribal peoples."

KAOS Agent: "Good point. His Excellency President Chavez has uncovered this plot in Venezuela and expelled the imperialist spies. You are free to go, Mr. Totten."