I Meet Gargantua . . . Not!

I recently met the Big Ho (a.k.a. "Kevin"). I had expected a Rabelaisian character, but he isn't nearly as gargantuan as his blog implies. He is big . . . but not gargantuan. He has a hearty appetite . . . but not a gargantuan one. Intellectually . . . well, maybe that's gargantuan. It's certainly Rabelaisian -- just look at his big, bad, bold blogsite in all its (e)sc(h)atological glory.

We met on Monday, and he mentioned our meeting in his April 18th blogpost:

"Before I go: a quick shout-out to Dr. Hodges (a.k.a. Jeff), whom I had the great pleasure of meeting today for lunch. Yes, ladies, he does indeed wear an interesting cap."

Bill Vallicella, of Maverick Philosopher, remarked on the meeting:

"I see that he [i.e., Big Ho] and the estimable Dr. Hodges have finally met for lunch. Say Kevin, is Jeff as ugly as he brags about being?"

Then comes this interchange of their suspicions about me:

Big Ho: "I think the nifty cap he wears is to hide an exposed, pulsating brain. I'll have to take a pic of him and let the ladies judge how ugly he is."

Bill Vallicella: "Post it on your blog for all the world to see."

Uh-oh. The Big Ho is onto my terrible secret. Well, why hide it any longer! Great genius cannot hide itself under a bushel, or a bush, or a cap. Yes, it is true! I am he. I am the one. I am the one and only, the prolix, the verbose, the opposite of concise, the loquacious even:

I am Mojo Jojo!

I will conquer the world. I will conquer the solar system. I will conquer the universe. I will conquer parallel universes. I will colonize the mind of God and occupy all possible worlds. Nothing can stop me. Why? Because only the Powerpuff Girls have enough incredible powers to do that. And they do not exist! Ha, ha, ha!

Instead, I face only these two Rowdy Ruff Boys -- Big Ho and Maverick Philosopher! They hope to thwart me by posting my photo for all the world to see. Hah! Do they not know that no camera is powerful enough to capture my ugliness? It cannot be taken captive just as I cannot be taken captive.

Wait? What's that? There's a strange van outside! Two men in white lab coats are running up the stairs. They are carrying something . . . some sort of a coat . . . for me? Hey, I didn't have any dry cleaning done! What are you doing? I don't want to wear that! Let go of me! I'm trying to type . . .