Sunday, July 11, 2021

My Parkinson's

My friend Kevin Kim recently had a stroke and wrote of the experience, prompting me to write of my experience with Parkinson's:

Interesting to hear about your experience typing since your stroke. It reminds me of my own experience since Parkinson's. I was never good at typing. But I could type, fairly slowly, and with mistakes. What differs now is that I sometimes find myself sitting at the typewriter, trying to recall how to type. I even imagine that I must know precisely how hitting a key on the keyboard gives the correct letter on the screen. I sometimes think that I must be able to visualize this process for the process to work. I wonder how a fixed keyboard can give variable sequences of letters. I sometimes even have to remind myself that the screen is where I need to look to read what I've written. I have to ask myself, "Okay, where am I? No, the keyboard isn't the place. Maybe I should look up. Oh, yeah, there it is, the screen." The worst is when I am afraid to type. I recall how finding the right key can take so long. That causes anxiety, which increases my fear. I feel the unbearable weight of 'willlessness' - if that's a word. I mentally shorten the sentence, but that doesn't help. I must just sit very still and persuade myself that the process is not really so hard. If I can get past that first step, I can type again . . . badly.

PS I should add that what I described is not my everyday experience but more my experience when I'm tired and writing to meet a deadline.


At 10:34 AM, Blogger Vitasta Raina said...

Hope you have better days 🌸

At 3:21 PM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Thanks, Vitasta. There is a measure of irony in abruptly having all the time in the world for writing but growing increasingly incapable of putting word to paper.

Jeffery Hodges

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At 2:01 AM, Blogger Vitasta Raina said...

I am reminded of Borges a bit. He said the same about being unable to read books. Life, finds a way.

At 10:19 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Being compared to Borges is flattering, even if based primarily on a disability.

Jeffery Hodges

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At 10:49 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

I've been trying to figure out what the cherry blossom emoji "🌸" means. I'm guessing it means something like "with sincere feelings."

Jeffery Hodges

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At 10:28 AM, Blogger Vitasta Raina said...

Hey! No, I didn't mean it like that, at all, and 🌸 means have a beautiful day :)

At 10:32 AM, Blogger Vitasta Raina said...

I'm just saying that what you wrote reminded me of something I read that Borges also wrote. That gifted men often rue things beyond the ordinary, and that in itself speaks of their mettle.

At 2:13 PM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Your kind words comparing me to Borges constitute a beautiful day (🌸).

Jeffery Hodges

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