Sunday, November 22, 2015

"We're Calling, We're Calling the Hunter . . ."

Commander McBragg
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This time, rather than Uncle Cran's Farm Report, we've got a firsthand tale on deer hunting from Uncle Cran, Hunter of the Ozarks:
I tried to attach a photo [of the deer], but it didn't work.
I see. Or rather, I don't. Sorry, Cran, but you have no evidence that the following story ever really occurred:
Anyway, yesterday morning I took my 243 rifle (sic) and went deer hunting.
Two-hundred and forty-three rifles! Did you declare war against the deer?
I got into the condo deer stand at 5:30 am. Just before daylight I heard a deer giving a warning back in the woods . . .
Eh? Okay, what'd the deer back there in the woods say in warning - "There's a lunatic with 243 rifles in the condo"?
. . . but it didn't come out into the open and don't know what it was.
The deer doesn't know it's a deer?
About 6:00 a lone deer came out into the open. A few minutes later three more came out. It was still so dark I couldn't tell if they were bucks or does, but was pretty sure they were all does.
Were they also "pretty sure" of their identity? Or do we have an entire herd of psychotic critters that think they might all be Napoleon? Good thing you have 243 guns!
They wandered off into the woods and I thought that if I waited, a buck would be coming along and I could get him. Sure enough, in about 15 minutes another deer came along. I couldn't see if it had antlers but I decided to get it anyway.
More identity confusion, I gather.
I can get either a buck or doe (two of each before the season ends).
I can't fault you on that. It's buck or doe. There ain't no other choice.
I could see the body through my scope, so I put the cross hairs on its shoulder and pulled the trigger. He ran off into the woods. I waited 15 minutes until I could see enough to look for him. I looked around but couldn't find him, so I walked down a trail quite a ways in case he jumped up. I was thinking how could I have missed. I walked back through the woods back to the stand and found him only about 50 yards from the stand. He had not gone the way I thought he did.
You're pretty sure it's a buck, I see.
However he didn't have either horns or male parts.
Strange buck! I reckon there is a third choice, after all.
So I brought my doe to the house . . . 
Doe! How'd you figure that out?
. . . and Gay and I spent the morning cleaning and processing my catch.
Sounds like a lot of work for Gay. I'm assuming you retired in triumph to your man-cave and reflected on your victory:
But the season goes until December 5, so maybe I can get a buck next time. You can get a deer 30 minutes before sunrise, so I got it legally just at that point.
Yeah, I suppose you do need to state that legal issue pretty clearly, just in case the Law happens to read this blog entry.

Regardless, the war on deer must - and shall - go on!



At 2:09 PM, Blogger Kevin Kim said...

I saw this blog post's title and thought it was a Björk reference. Glad to see I was wrong.

At 2:39 PM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

She's more haunted than hunted.

Jeffery Hodges

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At 8:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the kind write-up. All deer hunters know what a .243 caliber rifle is. Sorry you aren't here to savor the venison with me. I'll keep you in mind while I dine on A good breakfast of venison sausage and eggs. Maybe I will raise my cup of coffee in remembrance of you. Cran

At 9:07 PM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Eh, "in remembrance"? I ain't dead yet! But thanks for the thought, I think.

As for the .243 rifle, the number lacked a decimal point in your email. Learn to proofread!

Jeffery Hodges

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At 9:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just a quickie relative to Uncle Cran's "story"...thought he was hunting with a rifle, but noted later reference to the kill as a catch...leaving me to wonder whether he really shot this animal or nabbed it with a lure or baseball glove. My comment will ensure I also go hungry. Oh well...I've always got peanut butter and crackers.
Cuz Bill

At 9:32 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

We can always retreat to our respective man-caves. Oh, wait, I don't have one . . .

Jeffery Hodges

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