Thursday, April 17, 2008

To Die For!

Omar Al-Sweilem
Miniscule Saudi Cleric
"No Nivea, no vaseline. No nothing!"
(Image from MEMRI)

In a video clip made available at MEMRI (Clip No. 1741), Saudi Cleric Omar Al-Sweilem . . . . Uh, is that pronounced "swell'em"? Anyway, this guy gets physical about the sensual traits of that "slender but busty babe" of the afterlife! Did I say "babe"? "Babe" ain't the half of it. Why there'll be a whole flock of those angelic babes! Swell'em promises, and he's got an authority to back him up:
Harith Ibn Al-Muhasibi told us what would happen when we meet the black-eyed virgin with her black hair and white face . . . . What hair! What a chest! What a mouth! What cheeks! What a figure! What breasts! What thighs! What legs! What whiteness! What softness! Without any creams -- no Nivea, no vaseline. No nothing! He said that faces would be soft that day. Even your own face will be soft without any powder or makeup. You yourself will be soflt, so how soft will a black-eyed virgin be, when she comes to you so tall and with her beautiful face, her black hair and white face . . . . Just feel her palm . . . How soft will a fingertip be, after being softened in paradise for thousands of years! . . . He told us that if you entered one of the palaces, you would find ten black-eyed virgins sprawled on musk cushions . . . . When they see you, they will get up and run to you. Lucky is the one who gets to put her thumb in your hand. When they get hold of you, they will push you onto your back, on the musk cushions. They will push you onto your back . . . . He said that one of them would place her mouth on yours. Do whatever you want. Another one would press her cheek against yours, yet another would press her chest against yours, and the others would await their turn . . . . He told us that one black-eyed virgin would give you a glass of wine. Wine in Paradise is a reward for your good deeds. The wine of this world is destructive, but not the wine of the world to come.
"Do whatever you want"! Hallelujuh for those earthy heavenly babes! I could just break into song! An old Babe-tist hymn comes to mind:
When we all get to heaven,
What a day of rejoicing that will be!
When we all see houris,
We'll sing and shout the victory!
Not exactly my Baptist grandma's view of heaven, though. She was against wine, and I can't imagine what she'd think of the babes waiting there.

But I know what a young man would think, and if some sexually frustrated but horny young Muslim lad gets brainwashed by stuff like this, he doesn't need a political reason to blow himself up -- he just needs to be desperate enough to want to get laid at all cost.

And I used to think that stories of alien seduction were weird...

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At 7:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My Bible (KJV--I'm a hick from the sticks, dated, etc...) tells that : "...angels are ministering
spirits, sent forth to minister for them who shall be heirs of salvation."
I fear that those young men will find something far different from what they have been led to expect.

At 7:27 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

They may find some angels who've flown too close to the ground...

Jeffery Hodges

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At 7:57 AM, Blogger jeanie oliver said...

Brad Paisley? Not my idea of a hunk, but then I haven't been promised anything by Allah. Thanks for the "shout out" link. I worry that you have more interest in my google images' choices than my stellar writing, though!

At 7:59 AM, Blogger jeanie oliver said...

good to see you back on the airwaves, I hope this means things are looking up around your place

At 8:05 AM, Blogger Hathor said...

If their culture requires that the young men have some wealth to marry, and goats are no longer a measure of it; the possibility of having sex is nil. So, there is no point in waiting.

At 8:18 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Jeanie, the Islamist paradise was never quite so good for the ladies.

Jeffery Hodges

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At 8:20 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Hathor, that's pretty funny, especially about the goats. (Wonder how many goats I'm worth?)

But it's sad, too.

Jeffery Hodges

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At 10:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Salma Hayek's no virgin. She just gave birth a few months ago.


At 11:27 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Her virginity has been restored, precisely as with the ever-re-virginated, black-eyed beauties of Paradise.

Jeffery Hodges

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At 7:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Linda Gay goes back for lab work on friday. Two weeks ago her white cell and SED rates had dropped from "critital high" to "very high," and we are cautiously optimistic.
As for the young men's angels, they may have hit the ground with a thud many years ago.

At 8:19 PM, Blogger gordsellar said...

Why does this post make that blues song run through my head -- the one that goes, "Wish I was in heaven sitting down..."? Ha. Weird, trippy afterlife, that really does make it hard to refute the notion that afterlives are just pure wish-fulfillment of the living.

At 9:57 PM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Gord, it certainly looks like wish fulfillment in this case, doesn't it? That Saudi cleric in the video looks so happy describing the pleasures of heavenly sex. Doesn't the poor guy have a wife? If he does, I feel sorry for her, always competing with the 70 houris...

Jeffery Hodges

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