Translating Yi Gwang-su: The Soil
Yi Gwang-su
I finally finished proofreading Yi Gwang-su's novel The Soil, or rather, I stopped my proofing upon reaching the last word in the novel, for the proofreading process is truly endless -- ever approaching 'perfection,' but never attaining it, like a protagonist in one of Zeno's Paradoxes. Consider this paragraph:
The train was running on the steel bridge of Salyeoul Village. "Salyeoul! How lovely is that name!" Sung looked down at the water flowing under the bridge. Dark water still wore the summer night. As his eyes followed its course upstream, the milky-white fog of the valley, more typical of early autumn, grew visible. Over the moisture-soaked ground and over the softly murmuring water, the white fog was spreading, one of the most evocative beauties of nature.For instance, take this part: "Salyeoul! How lovely is that name!" I'd now be tempted to remove "is": "Salyeoul! How lovely that name!" Or rewrite these words: "Dark water still wore the summer night." I might now try: "The dark water was still clothed in summer night." I could do much the same with every line. From: "As his eyes followed its course upstream, the milky-white fog of the valley, more typical of early autumn, grew visible." To: "As his eyes followed the watercourse upstream, the milky-white fog of the valley, more typical of early autumn, grew visible." And from: "Over the moisture-soaked ground and over the softly murmuring water, the white fog was spreading, one of the most evocative beauties of nature." To: "Over the moisture-soaked ground and over the softly murmuring water, the white fog was spreading, a most evocative beauty of nature." Combined, along with still other changes, including small changes in already altered phrses:
The train was crossing the steel bridge near Salyeoul Village. "Salyeoul! How lovely that name!" Sung looked down at the water flowing under the bridge. The dark depths were still clothed in summer night. As his eyes followed the watercourse upstream, the milky-white fog of the valley, more typical of early autumn, grew visible. Over the moisture-soaked ground and over the softly murmuring water, the white fog was spreading, a most evocative beauty of nature.Does that sound better? Readers are also free to try their hand at this . . .
Labels: Humor, Literary Criticism, Translation
posted by Horace Jeffery Hodges @ 4:40 AM
2 comments
2 Comments:
I wouldn't presume to try my hand at this without recourse to the Korean source-text, but I'll say that, to my ear at least, your posted revisions sound better than the original translations (if "original" is indeed the word) in every case. The revisions flow better, and capture, I think, the poetry of the moment being described.
Question: you wrote, "As his eyes followed watercourse upstream..." Was the "the" left out intentionally? I'm not criticizing—I'm genuinely curious. There are some English phrases that leave out the definite article, such as "in future" and "in hospital," which is why I ask.
No, the "the" was left out accidentally. Thanks for catching that.
Jeffery Hodges
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