A Caffeinated Life
Not Some Celestial Teapot
According to Jane E. Brody, "Having Your Coffee and Enjoying It Too" (New York Times, June 25, 2012), my cup of addiction is good for me. For 32 years now, I've caffeinated myself daily, and a good thing, too, or I might not have lived this long:
Coffee drinkers who were relatively healthy when the study began were less likely than nondrinkers to die of heart disease, respiratory disease, stroke, diabetes, infections, injuries and accidents.Imagine that! Coffee not only purifies, it sanctifies! Else how but by a higher power could a mere drink avert accidents! Many times, I might have died beneath the wheels of a large automobile, or been crushed to death by a falling, oxymoronically named "safe," or even struck dead by a thundering bolt of lightning directed my way by the devil know what malicious hand, had there been no caffeine coursing through my veins to fortify my good luck and thereby ward off misfortune. I can thus thank coffee for its bountiful gift of life, which has enabled me to reach the ripe old age of 55! This deserves a chorus of "Java Jive," that nineteen-four-aught hit by the Ink Spots, which is available on You Tube, naturally:
I love coffee, I love teaI don't know what tea is doing in this paean to coffee, other than filling out the meter and providing a rhyme, of course, but I'd rather it were just as there as Russell's infamous celestial teapot ain't there, or to paraphrase Gertrude Stein, that there were no there there. Anyway, the real point is that coffee truly deserves praise for preserving life:
I love the Java Jive and it loves me
Coffee and tea and the java and me
A cup, a cup, a cup, a cup, a cup (Boy!)
I love java, sweet and hot
Whoops Mr. Moto, I'm a coffee pot
Shoot me the pot and I'll pour me a shot
A cup, a cup, a cup, a cup, a cup
Oh, slip me a slug from the wonderful mug
I'll cut a rug just stuck in a jug
A slice of onion and a raw one
Draw one -
Waiter, waiter, percolator
I love coffee, I love tea
I love the Java Jive and it loves me
Coffee and tea and the java and me
A cup, a cup, a cup, a cup, a cup
Oh, Boston beans (soy beans (Yeah!))
Green bean (cabbage and greens (home cookin'))
I'm not keen about a bean
Unless it is a chili chili bean (Boy!)
I love coffee, I love tea
I love the Java Jive and it loves me
Coffee and the tea and the java and me
A cup, a cup, a cup, a cup, a cup (Yeah!)
I love java sweet and hot
Whoops Mr. Moto I'm a coffee pot
Shoot me the pot and I'll pour me a shot
A cup, a cup, a cup (Yeah!)
Oh, throw me that slug from the wonderful mug
An' I'll cut a rug till I'm snug in a jug
Drop a nickel in the pot Joe
Take 'em up slow -
Waiter, waiter, percolator
I love coffee, I love tea
I love the Java Jive and it loves me
Coffee and tea and the java and me (Yeah!)
A cup, a cup, a cup, a cup, boy!
The risk of death gradually dropped as the number of cups the participants drank increased to four or five.Moreover, it actually rehydrates the body:
Contrary to previous belief, at usual levels of consumption, coffee is not any more of a diuretic than the equivalent amount of water. Up to six cups a day can be counted toward one's recommended liquid intake.Water of life, boy! Therefore, drink up!
Labels: Health, Humor, Music, New York Times
posted by Horace Jeffery Hodges @ 3:10 AM
13 comments
13 Comments:
Hilarious. It's this never ending battle of which is healthier, tea or coffee. In Poland it's the butter vs. margarine. Every year scientists seem to side with either one, bringing more confusion rather than clarity. Two years ago a group of scientist claimed that alcohol drinkers live longer than teetotalers, to learn the following year that the data was flawed and the whole research was sponsored by the alcohol industry - incompetence and subjectivity of scientists. In Korea it's the kimchi. You hear again and again ad nauseam how healthy this fermented veggie is, while in reality it's responsible for Koreans world's highest gastric cancer rate. 10 times higher than in addicted to fast food obese Americans (which are also healthier than pork cutlet and potato eating Polish). The healthiest and enjoying the longest life span group of people in the US is the Loma Linda's Adventists? They live roughly 10 years longer than the rest of the population. And the majority of them along with other groups of healthiest people on earth, the Okinawans, the Sardinians of Barbagia region, the Costa Ricans from Nicoya region and a few more do avoid alcohol, coffee and meat nearly altogether. What characterizes all those groups is simplicity of their lifestyles - family, friends, and very simple diet.
Jacek
... Adventists.
Jacek
I'll continue to trust the finding that support my prejudices . . .
Jeffery Hodges
* * *
"I'll continue to trust the finding that support my prejudices . . ."
Thankee Lordy fer Sundays (in the US anyways). JK has found a PhD (albeit in the good ol' R of K [not to be confused with... well we beer drinkers anyways]):☺
(Boy I hope I dated that check I wrote to Barker's Hilltop Liquor Store for my Sunday beer purchase k'rectly... today's the 1st right now but at the top of the post is dated the 2nd ... le'see, the world is round like a planet 'n not like a map 'n calendars... colanders??? ... durned IDL'n the 'Net).
Erp. Effaaaartsqueak.
NO! I did NOT puke on this blog! NO! That was a cough. Remember I've got COPD.
A simple burp.
What? ... "Finding"? ... Did I sign my name? ...
Find out what state those police people are calling from... on security camera? both FOX and CNN?
Professor? I'll get back to you.
JK
Sounds like a good idea, JK. Meanwhile, have a strong cup of coffee.
Jeffery Hodges
* * *
My father used to say that, but about alcohol. I bet your habit is way healthier :)
Jacek
Well . . . I do like beer, too, but not daily.
Jeffery Hodges
* * *
He liked vodka. Hourly.
Jacek
That sounds expensive.
Jeffery Hodges
* * *
Not so expensive if you switched from vodka to dirt cheap in my childhood methylated spirits on days when money is short. As an ACOA little wonder I abhor alcohol :)
Jacek
You'll have to read my story of the Bottomless Bottle of Beer.
Jeffery Hodges
* * *
Is it a title of your post? Failed to locate it. Anyway, I see you dedicated many of your articles to brewski. This must be love.
Jacek
You'll find it now . . . in part.
Jeffery Hodges
* * *
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