United States Nears 1,000th Execution

Criminals call for exit strategy.

As executions approach 1000, criminals are increasingly wondering why they're in America.

"What are we trying to accomplish here?" asks one high-ranking criminal who requested anonymity. "People don't want us."

"It's a quagmire," adds another, also off the record. "The longer we stay, the deeper we're stuck. I say we cut our losses and get out."

Only a dwindling number of criminals still believe that they have a role to play in American society. Among these, some point out that, historically, executions are low. The problem, they argue, is more one of perception than reality, and they insist that their message just isn't being heard.

"But maybe," one diehard criminal muses, "nobody wants to hear our message."