Saturday, March 09, 2013

Uncle Cran's Basement Dungeon Cell . . .

Recently, Uncle Cran confessed to marital disharmony gone martial, apparently, given his imminent imprisonment in a basement dungeon cell of his own construction:
I have decided to join the ranks of guys who feel the necessity of having their own space, calling it their "man cave." This is in the dungeon corner of our basement, and when Gay and I have one of our infrequent spats, I can retire here and have my private "pity party." There is one small window where I can look out over the fields.
A dungeon basement cell room with a view?! Well, perhaps it increases Uncle Cran's suffering and thereby draws him into regret and toward repentance of his guilt for the "spats." Any man who gets spitting mad deserves to be locked up in a "man cave." Indeed, in a little corner of the cave:
This is the area for the corner cabinets that Kevin had left over from their house addition. Part of this area will be drywall (sheetrock), and part will be tiles.
What's the antecedent for the pronoun "their"? I see only one plural noun earlier in this sentence: "cabinets." Those cabinets had a "house addition"? Must've been really big cabinets! Or a really small house . . . But what's Uncle Cran got against "drywall"? Swayed by overwhelming waves of emotion, he calls the stuff "sh**trock"! Why use it if he hates it so much?
I don't know how to put a series of pics on an email, so I'll send them one at a time. It's likely that no one except Gay and I would be really interested, but you'll get them anyway. You can always hit the "delete" button.
No one "except Gay and I"? Typical Uncle Cran -- ever subjective, never objective! Well, let's take a look at those photographs:

Uncle Cran Putting Up Tile?

That image is pretty straightforward. Uncle Cran is putting up tile. I guess. Or taking it down. Hard to tell in this straightforward image.

Aunt Gay Putting Up With Uncle Cran

Again, a straightforward image. Aunt Gay putting up with Uncle Cran . . . and thereby putting him down and in his place, i.e., the dungeon!

Aunt Gay Fixing What Uncle Cran Missed?

And we see Aunt Gay here either fixing what Uncle Cran missed . . . or fixing him below in his real cell of imprisonment, the dungeon room without a view! At least one individual -- Cousin Bill, as long-time readers might guess -- expressed delight at the result:
You'll need to shout, Bill. Sound doesn't carry well through that floor.
The man cave looks awesome. I can understand Aunt Gay wanting you out of her space, what I don't understand is why it took her so long to "get 'er done."
It ain't easy getting a man to construct his own cage, Bill.
Do anticipate your "space" will contain an area for an "ice box" to chill some refreshments for at least two of the recipients of your email. Those referenced refreshments might call for a quick trip across the state line. You allowing enough space for a 60" HDTV?
Typical coddling of prisoners these days. I say we bring back chain gangs. Make criminals pay their way through prison -- and if they fall behind in rent, lock them up longer!
Judging from the pictures, I could've used your help in my garage project. It looks great!
Uncle Cran won't be available to do such things for a long while, Bill, but if and when he is, keep an eye on the fellow, for once a con, ever a con . . .

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At 9:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Being’s I complemented the dear uncle I awaited some response…none came. Suddenly, my thinning hair stood straight up as I took a re-look at picture # 3. You don’t suppose Aunt Gay is applying final touches after sealing the con in…gasp, concrete? Naw, couldn’t be, he sent the email and pictures…right? Cran? Uncle Cran?
Cuz Bill

At 10:10 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

I had assumed that he sent the photos and words, but . . .

Jeffery Hodges

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At 10:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Uh, make that "complimented". Worry about Cran's fate has be lax on spelling!
Cuz Bill

At 10:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And "me" instead of be. As in real worried!
Cuz Bill

At 11:59 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

We're both tending toward Uncle Cran's problem . . .

Jeffery Hodges

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At 3:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nephew Bill (or William, Willie, Billy, (or whatever)!
I thought you really meant complemented, as you have been doing some carpentry yourself.

Call it sheetrock or drywall, whichever suits your fancy.

It is actually going to be a kitcheonette, having a sink, stove and refrigerator in it,and with a small bathroom nearby, for anyone who comes to visit, and stays in the bedroom, also in the basement.

They can get up and make coffee and breakfast whenever they feel like it.

That "man cave" stuff was just a joke.


At 4:27 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Just a joke? I was hoping to be a denizen of that cave! I used to get called Neanderthal, back when I had long hair and a beard . . .

Jeffery Hodges

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