Sunday, February 26, 2012

The Gypsy is a Grand God-Father . . .

Life is full of the unexpected. Out of concern for the privacy of the individuals involved, I won't mention names (and any reader who might want to guess, just please don't), but one of my blog entries has helped a daughter find her father. The process started a few weeks ago, and genetic tests confirmed the fact just the other day, so I received a couple of emails this morning, first from the father, who sent along the genetic results by attachment:
I wouldn't mind if you should want to say something . . . [to the effect] that Gypsy now has the equivalent cyberspacyian distinction of being a god-father . . . . I guess it would be okay to post the results as proof that Gypsy Scholar is now the Internet equivalent of a Grandparent. Congratulations! It's a Girl!

And not long after that email came this one from the daughter:
Just want to say thank you for passing on my . . . [query to the man who turned out to be my father]. I know that there are things you could've done differently -- the delete button would've taken care of it and a lot of people would've done that. Instead you forwarded that desperate sounding . . . [message] on to whom I now know is my dad.

It's strange to go through life not knowing. Even at the times I would put it out of my mind, inevitably someone would remind me that I didn't know by asking me about my Dad. Blank on your birth certificate? What do you mean blank? It was this ever present question mark hanging over my head. Since birth outside of the confines of marriage is soooo commonplace now you might not realize that people still want to know. People do.

But now . . . . Well, now I know. My Dad and I have some "getting to know each other" in front of us and I'm thankful for that. So I wanted to make sure that you know that I am thankful to you as well.

I look at Gypsy a lot. You have beautiful children! I don't comment very often but I do check it out.

I replied immediately to the daughter's email:
Thank you for the thoughtful email. I really didn't do very much in terms of effort, though I realize that the consequences for you were far-reaching. I'm glad that your father turned out to be . . . [the one you asked about]. When he didn't yet know for certain but had located your website and shown it to me, I took a look and told him, "You must be the father! She's too smart for the other guy to be!"

[Your father] is a wise man. He was born smart and has had a lot of experiences in his life that he's reflected on, so he's a neverending source of fascinating stories. You two will have a lot to talk about.

I grew up without my dad, too, though I knew him. He just wasn't much of a dad to me. I think you'll find a great deal of joy in getting to know . . . [your father] better. I'm sure I'll be hearing from [him] . . . on these developments. I wish you both the best.

I haven't yet replied to the father's email. There's plenty of time for that, and this post can serve as reply for now.

I'm sure all readers also wish them the best . . .



At 8:26 AM, Blogger Kevin Kim said...

Any reader who doesn't wish them the best would have to have a heart of stone. Thanks for posting this.

At 12:01 PM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

You're welcome, Kevin.

Jeffery Hodges

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At 1:22 PM, Anonymous Malcolm Pollack said...

It warms my heart, too, to read this.

And yes -- "a wise man with a lot of stories to tell" sounds about right. Should be the start of something good.

At 1:47 PM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

I think so, too, Malcolm.

Jeffery Hodges

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At 3:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Certainly a complicated man but a man with a big heart and a great deal of wisdom and the willingness and patience to pass it on.
This is a great time for him to be a loving father.
I wish them many years of getting to know each other.
I think it will be worth it.

At 5:41 PM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Anonymous, I agree.

Jeffery Hodges

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At 6:32 PM, Anonymous David Duff said...

Well, of course, I join in the good wishes even if I have some slight reservations. I, too, never knew my father and on reflection, knowing *me* if not him, it was probably for the best.

Tricky, these human relations - no, scratch that, tricky, these humans!

At 7:24 PM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Fathers often seem to be off-duty in our postmodern world.

But thanks for joining in on wishing well . . .

Jeffery Hodges

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At 4:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My Title

I've gone through life not knowing who my father is. At times I wondered, but, it seems that the conditions under why one was abandoned play a part in one's willingness to find and be found. I do feel like I know myself and don't think that one is missing a part of who they are if in fact they don't find him. Again, I think the conditions under which one was conceived and/or abandoned play a role in seeking to find.

With that said, I enjoyed your piece--thanks for sharing. Good story.

At 4:59 AM, Blogger Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

Thanks, Mr. Calgary, for taking the time to comment. I agree that this is an issue that differs from individual to individual. By the time that I was an adult, I had come to terms with my father's absence from my life. Of course, I had a choice since I knew who my father was. He made a few overtures after I was grown, but those seemed too late to me.

Jeffery Hodges

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